[She had thought about that embrace, when a demon had been slicing the scar tissue out of the back of her eye socket and digging her snapped and shriveled optic nerve out of the wreckage. She'd tried to think of anything, anything good she'd ever had in her life to take her mind elsewhere, but in the end... there had been so few. That had been one of them.
Before it had been poisoned by how betrayed she felt by the revelation of her ignorance. But even that poisoned well had been one she had run to, in her desperation, and now-
He comes closer, and she turns slightly away from him. Not truly away, she could just... she could just leave if she wanted to, she could shut him out. But it is like the subconscious flinch, the attempt to hide something disfigured and attempt to be subtle about it. (Don't look at her. Not even like this, in spirit and not in person. Don't look when a part of her body doesn't belong to her, when it's been forced inside of her to prove how weak she was, to shame her under the guise of charitable fairness.)
Liem has seen her almost like this once before. In the flower fields of Highstorm when they had been newly arrived, when she had refused to raise her head from the dirt and let him see the ruined, serum-stained bandages where an eye had once been. ... He'd been the only one who bothered to ask her, what happened? He'd forgiven her the broken vow. And she-]
I did not mean to contact anyone.
[She'd tried not to, because strapped to that table, her legs hobbled and her strong body rendered useless, unable to shut her ears to the demon whispering in them... she'd become all too aware that the few people she had grown to care for could be divided into two sorts of "friends". Those that could be ripped to shreds by a demon... and those that would hear what had happened to her and still gladly accept an invitation to delight in her torturer's company.
So what did that leave her? She should just cut Liem out, too, just rid herself of everyone. She almost disappears from his mind, right then, but somewhere outside of communion... fingers run tenderly over her mane and she eventually turns shamefully back.]
I do not know what you heard-
[Because genuinely, she hadn't intended to contact him, or anyone. She doesn't know if he heard... what Claude said he had, screaming, if he heard her words, or saw her tormentor's face, and not knowing is a new sort of torture. Asking directly would be another weakness.]
... So I cannot tell you what to do with it.
[But if he will not burn in anger for her, if he will not condemn what had been done... Then she wants him to forget.
no subject
Before it had been poisoned by how betrayed she felt by the revelation of her ignorance. But even that poisoned well had been one she had run to, in her desperation, and now-
He comes closer, and she turns slightly away from him. Not truly away, she could just... she could just leave if she wanted to, she could shut him out. But it is like the subconscious flinch, the attempt to hide something disfigured and attempt to be subtle about it. (Don't look at her. Not even like this, in spirit and not in person. Don't look when a part of her body doesn't belong to her, when it's been forced inside of her to prove how weak she was, to shame her under the guise of charitable fairness.)
Liem has seen her almost like this once before. In the flower fields of Highstorm when they had been newly arrived, when she had refused to raise her head from the dirt and let him see the ruined, serum-stained bandages where an eye had once been. ... He'd been the only one who bothered to ask her, what happened? He'd forgiven her the broken vow. And she-]
I did not mean to contact anyone.
[She'd tried not to, because strapped to that table, her legs hobbled and her strong body rendered useless, unable to shut her ears to the demon whispering in them... she'd become all too aware that the few people she had grown to care for could be divided into two sorts of "friends". Those that could be ripped to shreds by a demon... and those that would hear what had happened to her and still gladly accept an invitation to delight in her torturer's company.
So what did that leave her? She should just cut Liem out, too, just rid herself of everyone. She almost disappears from his mind, right then, but somewhere outside of communion... fingers run tenderly over her mane and she eventually turns shamefully back.]
I do not know what you heard-
[Because genuinely, she hadn't intended to contact him, or anyone. She doesn't know if he heard... what Claude said he had, screaming, if he heard her words, or saw her tormentor's face, and not knowing is a new sort of torture. Asking directly would be another weakness.]
... So I cannot tell you what to do with it.
[But if he will not burn in anger for her, if he will not condemn what had been done... Then she wants him to forget.
She cannot stomach more.]