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Liem Talbott
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Liem's mindscape is dark; quiet; contemplative. Any feelings or sensations that Liem doesn't intentionally project himself seem distant, as though echoing from a far-off room. Following any given sense to its source is bafflingly difficult.
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Perhaps that, then, is why Set reaches his hand out to press his fingers to the high point of Liem's cheek. An emboldened gesture, and one so very much like him. He never asks, only takes, but demands others plead and beg him before granting them the same allowances. A bitter, conflicting god to the end. His thumb strokes over the space where his elbow had collided with Liam in that moment of wrathful fervor, and then he fits it to the door's edge.
Like he'll fight to keep the door open, if Liem tries to shut it on him. ] I came here for you.
[ For Liem. Not for business or scolding, simply for him.
( He misses Father Paul, with his lush conversations of god and divinity; they are the same things he likes in Liem, surprisingly. ) ]
All of Meridian's current generation of Shard-bearers ache for one another, and Liem Talbott is no where to be found among them for comfort. Let me in, priest. I thought I would come to your home and find you naught but a shard on the floor, all withered up from solitude.
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Of all the myriad things he'd thought Set might say to him, this had not been among them. He has no ready defence against it.
He looks at Set, properly, for the first time since he'd opened the door — still squinting against the oppressive glare of Springstar's twin suns. He looks tired, in a way he cannot recall seeing the desert god look before. It is not something he expected to see on the face of a deity, even one robbed of his world and his domains, brought low and forced to consort with mortals as Set has been.
… Even considering the party atmosphere that kept many of Kenos's shard-bearers busy in recent weeks, Liem has been remiss in keeping in proper contact with those of his sect.]
I just made tea, [he says by way of reluctant assent. The tight line of his shoulders relents some, and Liem steps back from the doorway, allowing the taller man passage into his thoroughly darkened home. Once the door is closed, only the light passing through its small, frosted-glass window illuminates the narrow entry hall within.]
As you can see, I am whole. But… Please, be welcome.
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Once he is invited in, he steps beyond the front door of Liem's home, bringing his arms around himself as he enters the darkened building. Thankfully, his eyes are keen enough to be able to see well enough, and he does not spend his time stumbling around lost, or banging into any of the priest's furniture. ]
You are sensitive to light.
[ This confirms it. Set is not blind to the interactions of others, as well as their interactions with the environment, but Liem has long been elusive — they had met in the dark of Highstorm, worked together in the dark belly of the castle upon the Isles and now? He sees the way that the man squints in the sun, sees how dark his home his. Ruthlessly, he'll follow Liem as deep into the rooms as he's allowed, like a stalking predator ( in the meager light from the front window, even Set's eyes reflect — the tapetum lucidum effect — as he glances back ). ]
Even some of the most asocial of us attended the masquerade. It was anonymous, and we all were able to mitigate some of the aches and pains without being humiliated by it. Why did you stay away?
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He retreats further into his home as Set prowls after him, up a short flight of stairs, coming to an open space that stretches from a sitting room at the street-facing end, through a dining area, to a kitchen at the house’s rear. In the near-blackness, the shapes of tidily kept, ornately carved furniture can be made out. In consideration of his guest, he twitches one set of curtains at the front window open slightly, allowing a double-slice of sunlight to filter through the thinner curtains beneath; the modest illumination reveals that the space is furnished in golds and pastels, ranging from blue in the sitting area to sunset colours in the kitchen.]
I am not well suited to it, [he agrees. He doesn’t bother to specify that it is not the light that bothers him, but the suns; the gleam of fire or magic, even when blisteringly bright, does not assault his senses the same way that even the pale light of dawn does.
Not that he has had the opportunity to experience any dawns in recent weeks.
He has to detour to the other end of the space to find another teacup for his visitor; he remains keenly aware of the man following him close behind as he stops in front of a spotless countertop.]
I do not find parties restful. [He opens a cupboard above the counter, reaches up to retrieve what he’s seeking.] I did not shun all company these past weeks; Hayame requested my advice when she was preparing for the event, and I delivered it to her in person. But I have afflictions of my own that pleasant company does not alleviate. Excess tends to make them worse, not better.
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How ironic then, that the ascetic now finds himself in the company of a grand hedonist.
[ Excess was all Set lived for, at times. Drink, drugs, company, conversation, even sex when he was addled enough to partake. To meet someone like Liem was akin to meeting one's eternal opposite, to be mildly frustrated by the denial of delights and pleasures. In the kitchen, he gives pause to watch as Liem fetches a second cup ( polite of him ), and murmurs: ] You need not prepare me anything to eat.
[ A mote of honesty from the god of war, as he continues to stroke the texture of the pillow. ]
I — I do not like food. It makes me ill, even though I must eat. And drinks are, ah. Well, I suppose I will accept what you offer in that way. I am often a poor guest, because of these things.
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He recalls also that Set had been drinking on that first occasion, in Highstorm's public baths, so his admission comes as a surprise to Liem. Though his steady expression doesn't falter, he regards his guest for an uncertain moment before he speaks.]
That is not something I expected to have in common with you. Set, Lord of the Dark Desert.
[Did the gods not sup on the offerings made to them by their faithful? Perhaps a god of violence would not care for such pedestrian fare, but it is a shock to hear that something so mundane could turn his stomach.
Though more shocking is such a god's concern for manners as a houseguest, however limited it might be.]
Perhaps I am a poor host, then, since I have nothing else to offer guests. You are the only one yet to have found your way to my door.
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He does gesture, to the cup that Liem has brought down. ]
I only meant to spare you the song and dance of procuring what goes with tea. I do drink.
[ As Liem is correct, Set had been drinking ( copiously ) in the baths they had shared at first meeting. On the Isles, he had supped on wine and other drink, and rarely was easy to observe putting anything solid into his mouth. It was odd, it felt terrible within him, and he was deeply particular about the things he wanted to eat in the first place, when he actually had to. ]
It is that, [ for a moment, he draws the edge of the pillow up and towards his mouth. Briefly hiding behind it as he considers what he shares; it is difficult, to admit anything to others, for fear of them using even the most innocuous of facts against him in the future. It's habit, now. Opening to someone means allowing them to know things that could be used to harm, and he is — he is so poor, at seeing betrayal before it is upon him. ] Before I became this, I never needed to and I, do not like the way it feels to eat.
[ A step closer, and he fetches up against Liem's counter. Against Liem himself, the side of his arm light against the line of the priest's shoulder. So tactile, when he controls the sensation. ]
You are the same, though. What manner of illness overcomes you?
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Still, the stillness that seizes him when Set steps closer is the normal, mundane stillness of a very private man whose space is being casually invaded while he's in his own kitchen. His brows crease in a slight frown as he looks warily up at Set, trying not to notice the heat of him through the fabric covering his shoulder.]
Food such as civilized people eat does not agree with me. It is like ash in my mouth, and it often goes down kicking and screaming.
[He cannot quite help the terseness in his tone, built up over many a year of priests and physicians attempting to sort out his diet. Often, in his younger years, he had been ill because of the failure or outright refusal of his guardians to feed him things he could actually tolerate. Understanding had been a rarity.]
Time spent in the sun makes it worse — but I simply fare better at some times than at others.
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I believe I may understand.
[ Never will he say such a thing directly, he feels. Understanding between gods and immortals is one thing, but between mortals and gods? It is an endless struggle for him, wrought of his desire to live up to the expectations of his wife; Nephthys was gone, eradicated with the world, but he had an opportunity to bring her back and make her manifest. He was less interested in her, however much he loved her, and more focused on the well-being of their child, in the end. Yet, she had whispered words of harmony and empathy, urged him to embrace the complexity of mortal life and rejoice in experiencing it.
How easy for the goddess of peace to say such a thing, for she was readily beloved by her humans for so long. The most Set knows of, is the sobbing cries of a mother pleading with his wife to sate the god of war's ire and allow her child to return home from the borders intact and healthy. A quick offering of grain, of incense, for a swift and decisive war. Understanding was meant to be mutual, and what he tries to offer to those of Kenos is often — readily rejected, or misunderstood. But this?
This, he thinks he can do. Perhaps it is why he clings to their shared misfortunes with food. ]
The smell of certain foods nauseates me. Meat, especially. Solids are — entirely disagreeable, though if I must eat for my health, I like... tomatoes, and greens. And fruit. The taste of it is always new to me. Sometimes, overwhelming. A mouthful of ash, you say. Utterly foreign, to me.
[ Sensory overload, at the best of times and immediate illness, at others. ]
Why does the sun affect you so? For someone who has chosen the side of the light, it seems you could have done better for your health in Highstorm. Does your faith ask you to suffer for it?
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Though his expression remains wary, Liem raises a brow at the other man.]
Suffering is inherent to life.
[For mortals, he means: those still living in the material plane. There will always be hardships to overcome, just as life holds its own pleasures as well. He has long since stopped trying to steer the path of his own life by either star. Abadar's light is just as bright, and far steadier.]
If I wished only to tend my earthly needs, I would turn my face to Zenith, with its congregation of blood-drinkers. But even if Lady Yima could pull my patron from oblivion — which she has said she cannot presently do — she could not bring with him all that he guards and all that he has built. I will not consider my own temporary comfort to be of greater importance than the First Vault itself.
[He pauses; flicks his gaze away from Set's. This is a topic he prefers to avoid speaking of — one that has caused him lifetimes' worth of hardship, and has been met only rarely with understanding. Even if all the god has for him is indifference, though, he will accept it for the opportunity to be acknowledged, in even the smallest part. And surely a being like Set doesn't harbour the revulsions of a normal, mortal person.]
My ailment is my father's legacy. He was one of their kind: a vampire, a hunter of men, fearing only the sun. I have his eyes and his appetites, for all that I am a living man.
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Being one of the Meridian-aligned who still routinely enters ( and passes through ) Highstorm, despite the rising arrogance he finds in the citizens when they interact with him, he has plenty of knowledge about the surface culture, and some knowledge of the sub-cultures within. Liem's father is a vampire, vampires — he now assumes, require blood as their main source of food. The blood-drinkers of Highstorm, are vampires. Ones very much unlike Liem, who abstains from such things? How curious. ]
Uaa.
[ The sound he makes is one of wonder. A man who has just been exposed to something wholeheartedly new and who finds distinct delight in it. Set is a hedonist by make and nature, and information is something he also immerses himself in, as readily as the heat of a body or the long pull of alcohol from a bottle. The information about the extent of Yima's ability, he also carries with him now; perhaps, she might not be able to pull his child from the darkness, for Anubis had become — Anubis had been forced to become —
He forces himself not to think on that, with his host standing right before him.
Set is a man of easy contradictions. One who is revolted by physical contact, but one who initiates it without heed of others' propriety; it it, in fact, more of a dominance thing than a necessity, that he is the one to control movement and contact, before anyone else tries to dominate over him. So, as he take a hand from the embroidery of the pillow, it is only to rest it — harsh-fingered, to the sleeve of Liem's shirt. ]
Then. Your ailment could be resolved, were you to balance your diet?
[ There is more nuance to the question than Liem might realize.
It means something to him, too. Not just that Liem has shared it, but that — perhaps their experiences are similar. ]
Are you in pain now? Do you not have someone you trust to aid you?
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Of course not. Who would I insult with such a request?
[It slips out of him, aghast, before he can think better of it. What self-respecting person would be truly happy to let him sup on their veins just to indulge his unsavoury wants? There had been a couple of people since he was ripped from his world who had been willing — who had invited it, even — but in his worse moments, he doubts that either of them really had much self-respect to draw on.
The hint of bruised violet returns to his cheeks, but this time it's motivated entirely by shame. He forces himself to hold Set's gaze regardless, his expression stubborn.]
It does not matter. I do not need such indulgences to attend to my duties. Abadar does not require me to suffer for my devotion, but I would rather suffer than shame myself by living as a parasite on the blood of my peers.
cw just some body dysmorphia + eating disorder chat, in case
Liem Talbott.
[ The name escapes him, the closest Set may come to a gasp of shock. Or, perhaps, empathetic horror. It is breathless, a faint admonishment not for the fact that part of Liem's very nature requires such a thing, but that he - is ashamed of it. That he is stricken by his own self, in ways that. That. Set feels, too. The sensation of his stomach growling, the feeling of chewing solid food - most mortals find it rote, to eat and dine and complete the circle of digestion ( he will not think of it, cannot; as he oddly is not impacted by it? ) - but, to the former god? It is a shameful experience. It is horrifying, to him.
He feels wrong, when his body demands nutrients he has never needed before. When it weakens without them, when he must finally eat materials that then - they, just. He cannot keep them down, and the cycle of humiliation begins again. ]
You are not a parasite.
[ Perhaps that is why, in this moment, he feels as close to Liem as could possibly be. There is still a rift between them, a vast number of things that make them so very different, but this is - this one thing is. ]
I do not think of you as parasitical for your needs. I think you have yet to find a way to achieve symbiotic balance, between someone who may wish to take care of you - and, how you might take care of them. And while I am an easy man to insult, in this regard... you could never. I, [ he breathes out, small and shy: ] cannot bear the shame of my own body's needs, my own fledgling mortalities. I believe, that I can understand you.
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But the assertion that someone should wish to take care of him is too much to bear. Because it is degrading, to capitulate to his thirst and his pain and his weakness. It is something that should be beneath him — perhaps as a body's demand for food would be beneath the divine — and yet, he has been forced again and again to endure it — and worse, to enjoy it; to be unable even to maintain his own dignity in caring for the needs of his flesh. He does not want to care for such a thing — and it shames him terribly to think of someone else doing so for him.
The stiff line of his shoulders sags, defeated, as he lowers his gaze from Set's — to his mouth, his jaw. His neck.]
I would suffer mine in solitude if I could. But even that, I cannot do.
[At least Set needs not endure witnesses to his humiliation. There is another reason why Liem prefers not to drink from anyone he knows; if he must suffer someone to watch him — to feel him drink, he would rather it be someone he will never see again.
He closes his eyes, as if against that particular thought.]
What offering would suffice for the blood of a god?
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If only I was still perfect, and if only you could be.
[ Mortals were imperfect, they flowed freely across time and space, given boundless opportunity to change themselves, to adjust their fate and become what they dreamed of. A god was a static existence, a narrow set of boundaries that ran deeply - not far. To some, Set's words might be infinitely cruel - to bring up perfection of body, the nebulous and unattainable thing that it was, could be perceived as an intentional slight. An insult. Yet, he says it anyways. Liem might understand the meaning.
Slowly, he sets aside his thefted item. Slowly, he pushes his hand down firmly, across the back of Liem's wrist, until the burning heat of his own body can be felt through any number of layers of clothing. He does not grasp nor pull on the priest, simply lingering as a pressure, an undeniable thing of diminished power and wounded dignity. ]
Aah, there is the separation of matters. As a god, it is practically my duty to attend to you in your own's temporary absence. [ He'll give Liem that, and Abadar, too. ] I ask for dedications of violence from Hayame and Dimitri. That they call on my name when they do harm to others, and I accept them unconditionally for it. You already have a god in your heart, so I do not wish to defile what you and he share.
[ So, he thinks. What could be worth his blood? ]
- knowing that your need shames you, your offering ought to shame me.
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After all, all mortals die eventually. He's just obliged to wait longer than others.
Slowly, deliberately, Liem sets down the porcelain in his hands, so he can brace his palm flat against the counter behind him. It is cool; solid. A necessary anchor against the incessant heat of Set's skin.]
What—
[Liem's eyes flick wide beneath frowning brows, fix hard on the god's face. His voice is soft with disbelief.]
Would you shoulder the burdens of every forsaken man and woman here? I have promised nothing to you, nor any of your family. You have no duty to me.
[When he had first encountered Set, naked and brazen in Highstorm's baths, he had thought he had no shame at all. To discover now how wrong he was brings Liem no joy at all.]
Ask of me what you will, and if it is mine to give, you will receive it.
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So, he wonders what Liem knows. Innately, he knows that it is truth — there is no 'other' to Set. He is all that he was, is and will be, drawn forth from the vast primordial sea of consciousness at given moments. Contradictions are not contradictions to the Ennead, nor to him. To know he is perceived another way is not, to him, wrongful. It is merely one more aspect of his fathomless existence, never a lie, never something he will avoid. Fate is absolute, to an absolute being. ]
Is that what you think I am doing? I failed in that duty long, long ago.
[ Brutally ensured that he did, in fact. ]
— I suppose, I would ask you for your services as a priest. Not as my priest, just as a priest. An advisor, of sorts. Maybe, a translator? I do not speak to mortals skillfully, and never have. Not like my siblings do.
[ It is a terribly isolating thing, to be incapable of understanding. Every moment of his life lent itself to being highly independent, peerless, and lacking in empathy. ]
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He does not ask what failure Set speaks of. Liem's knowledge of Osirion's ancient pantheon is a broad but shallow thing; that there would be things about Set that he doesn't know would be unsurprising even if he had confidence that this was the same god written of in ancient Osirian scripture. And ultimately, the history of a foreign deity is not Liem's business.]
That I can provide, if it is your wish.
[He says it a bit warily. It is strange: the thought of being advisor to a divinity. He should not be surprised by now; Set is clearly not all-knowing, and he obviously values information. Liem had just been under the — perhaps mistaken — impression that he interacted with others in such a brash, graceless way because he did not care to do otherwise.]
Insight into the motives and manners of others; diplomacy with those whose goals are different from yours. These are things I have experience with — though I should admit that although I received a priest's education, I did not often practise as such. I have been Abadar's fist more often than his tongue.
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[ That temper of his burns a little, simply stoked by the way Liem says 'if'. As though Set has not stated what he will have from him as plainly and directly as possible, in their commonly-shared tongue. He knows he sucks at communication; he has a hard time understanding why people need to know what he is doing, why he is doing it, and then — of all things! why they need to participate in the decision-making process on his behalf. They ask him 'why' and 'how', and he knows the whys, he knows the hows. Conveying them is hard.
Having been independent and isolated for so long, he does not truly understand why he must answer to anyone. ]
Some of the others [ Meridians, he means. ] do not appreciate my candor, nor methods. And I do not understand why they cannot accept that what I do will benefit us all. I do not work day-to-day, I think far in advance. They demand answer of me that I try to give, but are not good enough. That is where I need someone like you, with more patience than me. The last individual I ever answered to was someone who understood me without question. He never asked why I did something, he simply trusted that my intentions were on behalf of our kingdom.
[ And, uh. He'd killed Osiris, so. Watch it Meris????? ]
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Set’s background could surely not be more unlike hers, but perhaps their similarities speak more loudly than their differences.]
If you are to benefit from my advice, [Liem points out with a murmur, one eyebrow raised,] you will still need patience.
[Whether Liem is advisor or translator, Set will need the patience to involve him in his business, and explain himself to Liem, at least enough for the priest to understand his own needs and the context for his communication. Otherwise, how will he be able to give informed advice, and most especially, how will he be able to provide advice that Set is actually willing to act on?
… but it’s possible that he’s just stalling, because negotiation is a much more comfortable space for Liem than one in which Set’s blood is on his lips.]
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Set thinks that he is incredibly patient, for a god. It is simply that the priest he is asking for social cues and aid is better at being patient, because he is not. It is a status thing, rather than a capability thing. The tempestuous nature of the god of war is deeply in conflict with any sort of toleration of anyone or anything that he cannot force into compliance or submission. Ergo, Liem is necessary. Because his fellow Meridian's keep telling him "oh set, you gotta' play nice(r) with us, share the sandbox" and it's really irksome! ]
— we will work on it.
[ That is all he can offer. No promise can come from him, not without him being beholden to it. And a promise that went against his nature was practically a knife being taken to a beautiful, tightly-woven tapestry — it could damage the very crux of his being. It could cause his unmaking. ]
You will benefit, regardless of my level of patience. Come now, I will not hesitate to bleed for you.
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Good. Liem isn’t afraid of work.
Set’s follow-up makes him more uneasy, for all that he’s already agreed to the other half of this bargain. Much as he wishes that drinking the man’s blood could be entirely transactional, there has always been an inherent vulnerability for him in this kind of intimacy, more so than for others. Anticipation skitters in his chest, uncomfortably eager. His mouth feels very dry.]
Very well. Since it is your wish.
[His eyes flick over Set, from his face and down, then back again, restless and feverishly intent. There is really nowhere safe to look, considering the desert god’s manner of dress. He is indecent with exposed skin coyly hiding lush veins, and all of it in inviting places. How did he let this man into his kitchen looking like this? If any of his neighbours saw him receive his guest, they must have formed interesting notions about the purpose of his visit.
Because it is easiest, and because it does not require him to drink with his face in Set’s full view, he leans forward until his neatly-garbed chest brushes the god’s, tilting his mouth with a soft breath toward the pulse at the side of his throat. Cool fingertips alight on his bare waist like perching birds.
Set’s heartbeat drums loud against his ears; the heat of his skin burns beneath his hand. It scorches his lips, too, when he brushes them tentatively over his pulse. Too hot; too alive. He smells like sun-baked desert, but he feels like flesh and blood: too good to resist.
So Liem presses his teeth to Set’s throat, sharp points pricking pale flesh — and he doesn’t resist at all.]
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He cannot stand meat, nor blood, the scent of them turns his stomach and the taste of them cause him anguish, illness. Liem's issue is that of shame, of an internalized war with his own self, the result of his upbringing — and so, as Liem draws near, Set leans along the counter and opens his posture. Not entirely inviting, but accepting; Liem's skin is cool, where his fingers brush along Set's bare waist, where the god is a simmering furnace of sun-warmth and bitter flame. ]
Mm — [ The scratch of tooth-tip over his throat brings with it a moment of realization, that Liem is being far more gentle with him than the last person who had bitten him — and that it is because Liem needs this. He moves his hands, from where they have seized at the edge of the counter, and takes Liem's wrists into his palms. His fingers find the edge of Liem's shirtsleeves, one or two sneaking up into the dark space, higher on his forearms. Warm, and oddly intensive.
He tips his head a little, hair falling away from the line of his bare shoulder, to open the length of his throat up a little more. ]
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It is the warm slide of Set's palms against his wrists that pulls a soft, wanting sound from him, muffled against the line of his neck. He is still too warm, still too alive; Liem can barely keep himself together as the impossible, inhuman vibrance living in the god's veins floods over him, nearly overwhelming even in that first moment.
It takes only a breath more for the flood overtaking him to drag him out to sea.
The touch of his mouth remains gentle, just barely. It is the touch of Liem's hands that suddenly turns hard, grasping at Set like a drowning man at a piece of driftwood, as he presses himself against him. He would be humiliated by the desperation ruling him, if he could feel anything else over the sudden, dizzying need pounding in his chest and his ears and the back of his throat. The blood sliding over his tongue assaults him with its otherness just as much as with its vivacity, but his lack quails and shrinks before it, to be replaced with a rush too intense to refuse.
In the face of it, he can only drink, having forgotten everything else.]
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In the way that the soft, wanting sound is driven from Liem, one also follows from Set. A sigh, the exhalation of tension as the burst of sharp sensation at his throat begins to dwindle into a dull ache, the presence of teeth in his throat filling him with a warmth he cannot begin to recognize. It feels — not good, as if the experience were pleasant, but there is a pleasure in it. In being devoured, in being wanted enough that the priest gives in to those humiliating needs of his.
He drops his head back, leaning himself heavily along the counter as he curls his fingers against the bare skin of Liem's wrists, a steady metronome of stroking fingers and wordless, murmured encouragement. The god's posture is open, fearless of what is happening ( perhaps, he should learn to be more protective of himself, perhaps he should guard himself better — ). ]
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