[The grip of Cardan’s fingers in Liem’s hair is both familiar and charming, and he smiles against the damp skin of his husband’s neck at the inpatient tone of his voice. Liem has earned this impatience quite thoroughly, he has no doubt, for all that he never set out to make his husband insane. It is just that this often seems to be the outcome when Liem indulges his desire to get his hands all over his beloved spouse. Cardan is simply a very passionate man.]
I would love nothing more, [he agrees as his hands slide over Cardan’s body, and his mind wanders back to that day in the forest, when they’d sheltered from the rain. As his fingers brush belly and inner thigh and then close around Cardan’s cock, the situation teases him with familiarity.]
Like this?
[There is genuine question in his murmur as he strokes indulgently, his other hand trailing up to drag blunt nails over his lover’s chest. He knows well enough that he can excite Cardan further like this, but it is not how he would have guessed his husband would prefer to be fucked—even if Liem’s breath on his neck and Liem’s cock caught between them are surely pleasing in their own right.]
[ Liem is right: some part of Cardan will always want to be the one to touch, to direct, to be able to indulge his hungry whims whenever he’d like. But it is difficult to remember this when his husband’s warm fingers wrap around him, when his breath shivers over Cardan’s skin. He feels the throb of need through his entire body. Alcohol has loosened his self-restraint; nothing stops him, now, from arching into Liem’s touch, his hips moving of their own volition. His soft groan is lurid in the quiet of the room. ]
Let me— mm, let me tell you a secret, husband.
[ It’s not really a secret. Well, at least it shouldn’t be one to Liem. But still. ]
I care not about how. So long as I could have you.
[ This doesn’t answer Liem’s question, but that in itself is fair turnabout — and Cardan thinks that, perhaps, after his time wandering someone else’s trap, he’d prefer to return some measure of control to his spouse.
But despite this, when he tips his damp head back against Liem’s shoulder, when he murmurs his next direction, it is all smug, velvet-soft demand. ]
[The way Cardan groans and arches into his touch makes Liem feel suddenly alive with urgency, his languid desire shot through with need. It matters little whether or not Cardan demands that he get him off; Liem is hungry for it already, just from the rare luxury of having Cardan like this in his embrace. His body thrills with it, eager and sensitive where Cardan is leaning against him. A shiver of want passes through him as he tips his head to brush his lips against Cardan’s ear.]
I thought you would never ask.
[He desperately wants to feel Cardan come undone in his arms, to hear the pleasure in his breaths and in the racing of his heart. He wants to get his hands all over him, to let his greedy touch wander chest and flank and belly and inner thigh. He wants his mouth on Cardan’s neck and jaw, wants the sweet delight of his husband’s pulse fluttering beneath his lips. He wants all these things—and so, he devotes himself to claiming them.
Greed lives in the insistent rhythm of the hand stroking Cardan’s erection, in the hungry transit of the touch wandering Cardan’s body, and in the slow, indulgent roll of Liem’s hips as he touches him. Liem brushes his fingertips nostalgically over the soft flesh of Cardan’s inner thigh, even as he sucks a kiss over the pulse beating just below his jaw.]
One day soon, I must revisit the pleasure of biting you here, [he breathes, making gentle circles with his fingers to indicate just where he means. Not yet, though—not when it is still so soon after the last time he fed. Not when the date of their anniversary looms so close on the horizon.]
[ For once, Cardan will give Liem exactly the thing he wants: he feels like he's been waiting for hours, desire simmering hot under his skin. When Liem finally indulges him, he is overwhelmed immediately with the possessive touch mapping his body, with Liem's dangerous mouth on his vulnerable neck, with the heat and the urgency of his own desire. He moves against his lover without thinking, without bothering to hide the heated gasps and moans that escape him. It seems pointless, all of a sudden, to hold back at all, when he could be concentrating on sensation instead.
Liem's fingers on the inside of his thigh earn a hard shiver. He is terribly susceptible to the memory of that bite, of the prick of pain and the heat that blossomed in its wake, as blood rushed to his skin. He's caught in the memory of Liem's dark head bent to his thigh as he tasted Cardan's lifeblood. Never, in all of his years being a prince of Faerie, can he remember witnessing a sight more shockingly erotic. ]
I'm-- hah... surprised you haven't--
[ He hasn't let go of Liem, though the fingers in his hair are yet gentle, letting him map Cardan's skin with kisses as much as he wants. Cardan only needs him close, only wants to prevent him from pulling away, especially now that Liem is finally touching him properly. ]
You've had some opportunity. You tease.
[ Though he can only bring himself to sound so accusatory on the latter front, given the way he is increasingly breathless, his thoughts interrupted by his mounting pleasure. ]
[Rarely does Liem get to enjoy having Cardan like this: wanton and eager, too immersed in his pleasure to bother disguising it at all. Liem pursues each moan and gasp and shiver greedily, wringing them from his lover with hunger that shows in the avid kisses he stamps against Cardan’s throat and the tight, demanding strokes of the hand on his cock.
Despite his husband’s accusation, Liem has no intention of teasing now. He wants the pleasure gripping Cardan to swell until it overflows its banks; he wants it to push out every other thought or concern, so the only care his husband has is the want for more of him. Because Cardan is so irresistibly delectable like this, with his fingers in Liem’s hair, luxuriating in the tide of pleasure he demanded Liem down him in. It awakens some feral obsession in Liem, the awareness that it is his touch and his hunger swallowing Cardan up in sensation. Each time Cardan groans into the stroke of his hand or shivers at his caress, that madness only seems to grow.]
There is no shortage of indulgences I wish to inflict upon you, [he murmurs against Cardan’s ear between panting, hurried breaths. So often he enjoys the reverse, but he cannot help but want for himself the same pleasure his husband so regularly enjoys. Greedily, his wandering hand climbs from Cardan’s thigh to roll one taut nipple between his fingers.]
I am ever hungry for your appetite, Cardan. It does not make deliberation easy.
[ He hisses at the tease of fingers on his chest; it shudders through him, heated and lightning-quick. And still, and still, despite the deluge of pleasure swallowing him up, Liem’s quick breaths filter through to his awareness — but then, how could they not? He is ever the eye of Cardan’s storm, the center of his thoughts. He closes his eyes and thinks about Liem’s predator’s grace, and his elegant hands, and the way he must look wrapped around Cardan, his intent blue gaze focused and sharp— ]
Harder, [ he will gasp. He wants Liem to be a little ruthless. He wants to say, Tell me all about those indulgences. Tell me what you want to do to me. But he’s too close, and the unforgiving rhythm of Liem’s hand on him leaves him no room for idle musing. He can only let it take him, searing through him stroke by stroke, heartbeat by heartbeat, until he’s scoured of anything but need, anything but Liem’s scent and his touch and that maddening, dangerous, terribly gentle mouth. ]
You’re so— irresistible— fuck…
[ The fingers in Liem’s hair will tighten, just then, as he goes taut and senseless with pleasure — because Cardan needs him so awfully much, more than anyone or anything he’s ever needed before.
[For all his habitual gentleness, Liem needs no second prompting to grant Cardan’s wish. He wants him senseless and overwhelmed with sensation, whether that be the demanding rhythm of the hand on him, the hungry caress of Liem’s mouth on his jaw, or the touch at his chest that goes from teasing to suddenly ruthless. Liem’s only regret just now is that he cannot bite his husband without drawing blood, for he would very much like to, and he is certain Cardan wants it. But the pinch of fingers and drag of nails over flushed skin must suffice, since Liem is not presently of a mind to tease Cardan with nibbles and nips he has no intent to follow up on.
But he is still greedy for Cardan’s release, and he will push him up against it and over with determined hunger, feeling his own need beat wild and heady beneath his skin as the grip in his hair tightens and Cardan goes taut against him. He never tires of seeing his husband like this, abandoned with bliss and painfully lovely for it.
I will never be sane again, he thinks, wrapped tight around this man who makes his restraint evaporate and turns his thoughts blank with need. He cannot resist him, and he doubts there will ever come a day that he can.
He can only hold Cardan close and continue to press breathless, wandering kisses wherever his mouth can reach, and hope senselessly that this moment will last forever.]
[ For a perfect, endless moment, he only knows bliss -- wrapped in Liem's touch and his greed and his affection. He stares blindly at the ceiling, his lips parted around his harsh breaths, and it is only some moments after he subsides bonelessly against Liem that he even remembers to blink.
Liem's mouth on his skin is still distracting; his skin feels hot, oversensitized in the wake of orgasm. It gives him no room to rest, that mouth, and just barely enough to catch his breath -- and then, he'll have to move. It is a monumental effort, after all this, to flip himself over, but he does. He must slide his hand from Liem's hair to do so, dragging himself up and around, so that he can straddle his husband's lap with a covetous little sigh.
Because: Cardan wants to kiss him. He wants to feel those restless breaths against his lips, wants to catch Liem's face between his hands and trap him there while Cardan claims him as thoroughly and fervently as his heart desires. And so he will. And so he does. ]
[Liem is always loath to let Cardan go. Even now, with lust aching between his thighs and the lure of Cardan’s kisses looming large in his mind, he is jealous of the indulgent pleasure of having his lover reclined against him, warm and solid and aglow with release. The moment seems far too transient, and he likes it far too much.
But he likes Cardan’s hot kisses also, so when his husband drags himself up, Liem will let him go. He is more starved for Cardan’s affection than he wants to admit, after the lonely trials of his dream. There have always been things in their marriage that have gone unsaid and unaddressed, and now especially, Liem covets the simple joy of drowning himself in Cardan as if nothing else in the world could possibly matter at all. As if nothing he witnessed or endured in that dream had any more substance than a passing thought.
He wants Cardan’s avid kisses, and he wants those elegant hands on his face, and he wants the weight of him in his lap, pressed close and insistent. Liem stretches up to meet him as Cardan dips to claim his kisses, and as his arms slide around him again, he can only feel relief that everything is once again just as it should be.]
[ It no longer surprises him: the way his desire feels endless, unextinguishable. He should be satisfied, given his climax mere moments ago, and yet hunger still insinuates itself under his skin. When he draws his hands over Liem’s neck, down his shoulders, chest, dipping into the water to skim his palms over his flanks, it’s with a possessive relief. He’s here; he’s whole; he’s Cardan’s. Nothing could be more viscerally gratifying.
But eventually, his disappointing need to breathe pulls him away from Liem’s delectable mouth. He takes the opportunity to lean his forehead against his husband’s, stroking thoughtful fingertips over Liem’s ribs underwater. If this makes Liem ticklish — well, Cardan wishes to pet him, and given that he has solved many other problems this day, he does not feel like solving this one.
Besides: he finds himself particularly distractible in Liem’s close proximity. He’s still breathless when he rolls his hips against Liem’s, the movement slow and indulgent. Liem hasn’t come, and the hard erection trapped between their bodies sends a hot little pang of lust through Cardan all over again. His grin is unabashedly, sharply delighted. ]
[The hands on him feel right. The relentless kisses feel right. His husband’s bright, bold scent and the warm solidity of him in Liem’s arms feels right. Even the slightly ticklish stroke of idle petting along his ribs feels perfect, because he is just where he wishes to be, in the arms of the man whose affection he craves above all others. The roll of Cardan’s hips against him makes Liem’s breath catch in his lungs, inflaming the addictive greed still torturing him with every heated touch, and that torment is perfect, too.
At this moment, he wants for nothing, and he can very easily imagine giving Cardan just the same answer he received when he posed this same question only minutes ago.
But of course, he still wants to please his husband—and it has not escaped his notice that Cardan enjoys it when Liem voices his desires. Fulfilling them seems like a delightful game for his spouse, which Liem has no wish to rob him of.
And besides, he only wants what Cardan is always so pleased to provide.]
I want to be in your lap.
[Cardan’s weight straddling him is delightful, but Liem has had his fun getting his hands all over his spouse. Now he would like Cardan’s hands all over him, and this is not the ideal position for that desire. Illustratively, Liem’s own touch travels languidly up Cardan’s back and around to his chest, then sweeps smoothly back down his flanks to the lean muscles of his ass and thighs.]
Mm. [ His eyes slide shut with the pleasure of Liem's hands on him; he finds himself momentarily uninclined to indulge Liem, after all. Perhaps he could simply stay here, and keep kissing him as desire coiled sweetly in his veins, building up into impatience, then desperation--
But he did ask, after all. And he is not about to deny Liem now. ]
Oh? What happened to attending me, Liem?
[ It's a frivolous complaint; amusement curls around the edges of it. Still, he will lean in to steal just one more lingering, indulgent kiss-- and then commit to the effort of moving again, careless of the water splashing as he maneuvers himself to the other end of the tub. Once he's at the opposite edge -- far enough to have some room -- he will take a gulp of air and slide under the water entirely, surfacing some seconds later. Only then does he settle against the edge of the tub, pushing wet black hair out of his face.
And still, his gaze on Liem is intently focused, belying his casual little smirk. He extends his hand, fingers waggling impatiently for Liem to follow him. Because Cardan wants to put his hands and his mouth all over him, too, cannot wait to have Liem close and solid on top of him, where he belongs. ]
[Cardan’s playful complaint persuades a smile onto Liem’s face, one that remains even as his spouse leans in to steal another kiss. He is more than happy to remain like this, with his hungry hands roaming Cardan’s body and Cardan’s kisses demanding his attention. Perhaps his husband would like that as well. But he doubts there is ever a time when this wouldn’t be true.
He murmurs against his husband’s warm mouth,] That isn’t what you asked.
[No, his hunger to have Cardan’s sighs and gasps of pleasure have not receded. Even the memory of his lover coming undone in his arms makes his erection ache with impatience where it is, trapped between them.
And still, if he were to contemplate his own release… he would want it to be at Cardan’s hands. More importantly, he wants it to be at Cardan’s whim.
Heeding the beckoning of Cardan’s long fingers, Liem follows him towards the tub’s other edge and climbs obligingly into his lap, draping his arms over his shoulders. The intensity in his husband’s gaze does not escape him.]
Besides, [he says, cupping Cardan’s cheek with one hand,] you want me thus. Unless you dispute this?
I cannot, [ he says, simply, leaning into that gentle hand. The words would never pass his lips. His hands settle on Liem's waist, as natural as breathing -- and that pleases him, it always does, the way this has become so easy. The way that his touch feels like it belongs there. ]
I always want you close. [ Always, always, with such desperate jealousy that it feels like it's going to burst out of him, sometimes. And though he means to say this in a fun, sexy way, it comes out as a serious statement. Grave. Cardan's eyebrows knit together; he pulls Liem closer still, winding his arms insistently around him. It hits a discordant little note in him, that feral hunger that he cannot explain. For a moment, he will only breathe Liem in, only hold him there in his arms, like doing so will protect him. Like it will keep him as Cardan's.
He thought he'd shaken it, the feeling of pressure, like someone sitting on his chest. He thought drink and sex would be enough. ]
When you went limp in my arms like that--
[ He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to bring it up. But his tongue seems to have become insubordinate: the words form against his will.
His mouth thins; he presses his head against Liem's shoulder, hiding his grimace at his own weakness. This isn't the time. Surely, surely this isn't the time-- ]
[Liem is pleased when Cardan admits what Liem already knew: that he cannot deny wanting him in his clutches like this. There are, of course, probably few if any ways in which Cardan doesn’t wish to have Liem in his arms, but Liem sees nothing wrong with capitalizing on this fact, especially when he himself is so desperate to be there.
He wants the reassuring solidity of Cardan’s body against his own, and the familiar pleasure of Cardan’s possessive touch exploring him. He wants these things so keenly that at first, when Cardan frowns and wraps his arms tighter about him, Liem is distracted by the feeling of the embrace and the fitting-together of their bodies, and he does not pause to consider his husband’s expression. Only when he has snuggled himself more firmly into Cardan’s arms, to the tease of the erection still trapped between them, does he take note of his husband’s gravity.
It surprises him—but he cannot immediately decide whether his scheme has succeeded or failed. True, Cardan’s carefree bliss seems to have faded, but Liem thinks the frankness of his admission may signify only that his husband is, for the first time since the morning, sufficiently at ease to let down his guard. When Cardan leans his head against his shoulder, Liem slides his touch around, into his damp hair, and brushes a tender kiss over the point of his ear.]
I never wished to demand such a thing of you. [And not because he feared that, like Iago, Cardan might hold such a thing over him later. It is only that he had hoped never to require such a risky and unhappy duty from his husband.] Still, I was much relieved to have the refuge of your arms to depend on.
[ It should make him feel better -- the soft touch in his hair, Liem's comforting caress and the quiet rumble of his voice. But he cannot help the dull stab of self-loathing at the thought that Liem does not think he should demand such a thing from him -- that he cannot be trusted to bear the burden of protecting his husband. Then again, did it not take but one crisis to make him fall apart at the seams?
He breathes in, steadying himself, and tries to wrestle the words into something approaching coherence. It would be better for him to shut up, but since he's obviously lost the ability to-- ]
I did not understand it. Your fear, when I was poisoned. [ He murmurs it against Liem's shoulder, still. What a brazen, odious fool he had been then, assuming this was something his husband could have simply shrugged off. ] I thought it was only that you'd never felt so at risk before, and I had.
[ He should be well used to misjudging Liem, by now, and still the embarrassment heats his face, seeps pink into the tips of his ears. ]
[Liem doesn’t expect it. When Cardan admits the impression he’d had of his husband’s distress months ago, Liem lets out a brief, surprised laugh under his breath. That he might be unused to feeling endangered is an idea he had never imagined anyone might think of him; it startles him, as out of place as a clown attending a funeral.]
Well, perhaps you were right.
[Though the idea seemed absurd, Liem is forced to acknowledge that he had rarely if ever felt as frightened as he did then. After all, before his marriage to Cardan, he had not possessed much in his life that he feared to lose. That kind of risk is one he had previously enjoyed plenty of opportunity to contemplate, but never before had the possibility of loss seemed so immediately likely or the consequences so inescapably dire.
Even now, he does not care to contemplate it further. He much prefers to brush soft, meandering kisses along the skin of Cardan’s shoulder, taking comfort in the familiarity of the act.]
I was terribly frightened. And truthfully, the fear still has not gone away.
[He doubts it ever will—and when Cardan places himself at risk to face danger that should have been Liem’s, he feels that fear twist in his gut. But although he hates to give his husband cause to think him childish or incapable, he equally fears to shame Cardan for even such an oblique admission as this.]
[ He doesn't know what to make of Liem's startled laugh; for a moment, he battles a suspicion that he's being coddled, by Liem's gentle kisses and his agreeable assent alike. But it's not like he would expect his husband to scorn him, regardless.
It's Liem next admission that shocks him out of his self-pity. It's been months. He himself had largely stowed the stress and the misery of that night, along with most of the embarrassing missteps he'd made in its aftermath. It had never occurred to him, somehow, that all of it would still haunt Liem now.
He raises his head, still frowning, so that he can catch Liem's face in his wet hands, assessing him. His husband never looks particularly well-rested, but the dark circles under his eyes suddenly take on a new, disconcerting meaning.
First the dream doctor's accusations, and now this. Evidently, Cardan is responsible for far more trouble than he'd realized. ]
...still? [ Cardan asks, even though Liem has just told him. His thumb strokes along Liem's cheek, absentmindedly gentle. In the water, his tail is agitated. ] After all this time?
[ Liem had seemed fine after that night. Then again, Cardan is realizing that he may not be as adept at reading his moods as he'd assumed himself to be. ]
[Almost immediately, Liem realizes he may have erred in admitting to his fear. Though Cardan is visibly distracted from his own heavy thoughts, it seems Liem has just replaced one trouble with another. Or, if Liem’s suspicions were right after all, he has only forecast Cardan’s future in a way his husband might not appreciate.
Nonetheless, he lifts his head at the insistent touch of Cardan’s hands, meeting his frown with a look that is gentle, but equally assessing.]
Why would it die? [he asks reasonably. Cardan still remains at his side, and the person actively seeking his demise remains at large. Liem’s fear has no cause to vanish just because his husband has physically recovered. And, most saliently, Liem’s ardent wish to keep Cardan in his life has not diminished at all since then.
Softly, he leans his cheek into his husband’s caress.]
We coexist. And to me, the reward is more than worth it.
[ He remembers telling Liem something quite similar, right after he'd recovered from the poison. He still believes it -- that the fear is worth it -- but he had been talking about himself, not Liem. It's not the same.
He sighs, and presses his brow to his husband's, closing his eyes. Hypocritically, he doesn't feel up to being surveyed -- to meeting Liem's bright, calm gaze. Not when he himself is in such disarray. ]
I did not wish to burden you so, [ he murmurs, ] but I suppose what I wish for rarely shapes our circumstance.
[ Except for right now, when he wishes to kiss Liem. He dares to open his eyes a little after this, at least, watching him half-lidded when he pulls away. Perhaps it will make him feel less naked before Liem's assessing regard. ]
...and, I confess, I was hoping that mine might go away within the span of the next liquor bottle.
[ He has at least composed himself enough to make it sound like a common annoyance -- instead of a thing that looms, dark and terrible, ready to pounce when he's at his most vulnerable. ]
[How ironic it seems, that both he and Cardan are loath to inflict burdens on each other, when they have nonetheless chosen to remain married for the better part of a year. Liem knows on some level that marriage is meant to be a sharing of burdens as well as joys, but he does not find himself very good at the former, and in this, it seems his husband is not dissimilar. Even having this thought does not make Liem more eager to demand things of his spouse, or lessen his horror of showcasing his own inadequacies.
So he welcomes the warm caress of Cardan’s kiss, and even when the kiss is over, the lure of that mouth remains at the front of Liem’s thoughts, far more beguiling than the prospect of more unhappy confessions and melancholy wishes. He has never felt confident in his ability to please his husband with his words, in any case; it is his touch that seems to delight Cardan most.]
Your mind is too busy, husband. I know this affliction well.
[And he leans close again to claim another indulgent kiss, going a little breathless as he grinds against his husband’s lap. After a long and deliberate moment, his lips whisper over the corner of Cardan’s mouth, wandering toward his jaw.]
You seemed well distracted earlier. Was I mistaken?
[ The idea that he's overthinking seems nigh-offensive coming from his husband, for all that Liem admits to his own tendency to do the same-- but Liem leaves him no room to protest. His husband's guess is right: he's immediately, helplessly distracted by Liem's mouth. He can't not be. When Liem moves against him, the startled, heated noise that escapes him is wholly involuntary. It is almost embarrassing, how effectively the hot little shiver of lust pulls his thoughts away from his troubles and to the man in his lap.
Cardan's hands wander, sliding down Liem's back, his slim hips, his thighs -- reveling in the feel of slick skin and lean muscle, but most of all in the fact he's here, still here, still Cardan's to claim. ]
No, [ he will murmur, to Liem's question. ] My mind was quite occupied with you, then.
[ For once, he doesn't want Liem to wander off towards his neck; Cardan turns his head to pursue him, intending to catch him in another kiss. He's hungrier about it, this time, teeth catching on Liem's bottom lip before he pulls away to breathe. ]
[To Liem’s pleasure, Cardan meets his advances with eager hunger, despite his melancholy only moments before. Liem relishes the feel of those hands sliding over his skin, the heated noise that shivers down his spine, and the thrill that flares in him at the catch of teeth at his lip. And he feels a certain smug satisfaction at claiming Cardan’s attention in spite of his preoccupation, however brief the victory may be.]
I thought I was clear.
[Since Cardan is loath to let him wander too far from his mouth, Liem simply allows him his moment of respite, brushing his nose against his husband’s as he breathes his answer.]
I wish to bring you pleasure. I want it to be the only thing left in your head.
[It has been his unwavering intent since before they got into the bath. That Cardan’s worries evidently returned after the tide of his ecstasy withdrew from him does not shake Liem’s determination in this matter, and he presses close to claim another kiss from his husband, his hands sliding up again to frame Cardan’s face as he continues to move his hips languidly against him.
It is not enough, just now, for Cardan’s thoughts to be empty of everything but Liem. Cardan was the one to delve into the labyrinth of Liem’s restless subconscious and retrieve him from a nightmare of his own making; the least he deserves now is for Liem to grant him the same peace. There will be time later for his husband to fret about danger they cannot avoid or foretell; for now, the only things Liem wishes for him to care about are his own desires and Liem’s ardent efforts to fulfill them.]
[ Cardan's breathless laugh is a little delighted. ] Ah... How lewd of you--
[ To use his own body as a distraction. He doesn't expect to find it as titillating as he does. But it's working, clearly, because he's already impatient, already shivering helplessly into the movement of Liem's hips against his own. It matters not that the movement is languid: it only adds to the tease of it. Besides, Cardan's hands are right there: it takes no effort at all to slide them around to Liem's ass, encouraging him to move more firmly against Cardan. Lust shivers down his spine, happy to displace his other thoughts -- even if it is tinged with an edge of desperation, still. He cannot help wanting Liem more for having come close to losing him; it makes him want to hold back nothing at all, lest he miss his opportunity. And so-- ]
But Liem, [ he breathes, foolishly, turning his face to smear a breathless kiss against Liem's palm, ] my pleasure was ever having you.
[ All of it is meaningless without him. For all that it might dismay his husband, Cardan doesn't know how to divorce the fear of losing him from the joy of having him in his arms. Drink, lust, and distance have all dulled the terror, but he doesn't think it will truly leave him, even now.
But then, it doesn't have to. He can't resist Liem, regardless -- can't resist the desire that rises in his body, hot and insistent, making him gasp with the relentless pleasure of having Liem in his lap. So what if it is a touch bittersweet? All the best pleasures are. ]
[The hungry grip of Cardan’s hands sliding over his ass is just what Liem had wished for, but the warm lips brushing his palm manage to catch him by surprise. He feels his heart stir in his chest, distracting him even in the midst of his lust-soaked mission to demand all of Cardan’s eager attention. It is ever like this; no matter how starved Liem is for Cardan’s desire, he cannot resist the softness of his affection.
But it matters little. Whether as lustful spouse or besotted fool, Liem is still determined to claim every thought in Cardan’s head, and he willingly obliges the urging of those greedy hands. Even if the friction pulls a breathless little groan from him, desperately impatient as he already feels, the ache of his ignored desire is a small thing beside his yearning to feel Cardan relax blissfully against him again.]
You may have me at your leisure.
[Liem pulls back slightly, just enough to properly meet his lover’s gaze as he runs one splayed hand lazily over his own chest, teasing a nipple between two pale fingers.]
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no subject
I would love nothing more, [he agrees as his hands slide over Cardan’s body, and his mind wanders back to that day in the forest, when they’d sheltered from the rain. As his fingers brush belly and inner thigh and then close around Cardan’s cock, the situation teases him with familiarity.]
Like this?
[There is genuine question in his murmur as he strokes indulgently, his other hand trailing up to drag blunt nails over his lover’s chest. He knows well enough that he can excite Cardan further like this, but it is not how he would have guessed his husband would prefer to be fucked—even if Liem’s breath on his neck and Liem’s cock caught between them are surely pleasing in their own right.]
Or—did you have something else in mind?
no subject
Let me— mm, let me tell you a secret, husband.
[ It’s not really a secret. Well, at least it shouldn’t be one to Liem. But still. ]
I care not about how. So long as I could have you.
[ This doesn’t answer Liem’s question, but that in itself is fair turnabout — and Cardan thinks that, perhaps, after his time wandering someone else’s trap, he’d prefer to return some measure of control to his spouse.
But despite this, when he tips his damp head back against Liem’s shoulder, when he murmurs his next direction, it is all smug, velvet-soft demand. ]
Make me come, Liem, would you?
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I thought you would never ask.
[He desperately wants to feel Cardan come undone in his arms, to hear the pleasure in his breaths and in the racing of his heart. He wants to get his hands all over him, to let his greedy touch wander chest and flank and belly and inner thigh. He wants his mouth on Cardan’s neck and jaw, wants the sweet delight of his husband’s pulse fluttering beneath his lips. He wants all these things—and so, he devotes himself to claiming them.
Greed lives in the insistent rhythm of the hand stroking Cardan’s erection, in the hungry transit of the touch wandering Cardan’s body, and in the slow, indulgent roll of Liem’s hips as he touches him. Liem brushes his fingertips nostalgically over the soft flesh of Cardan’s inner thigh, even as he sucks a kiss over the pulse beating just below his jaw.]
One day soon, I must revisit the pleasure of biting you here, [he breathes, making gentle circles with his fingers to indicate just where he means. Not yet, though—not when it is still so soon after the last time he fed. Not when the date of their anniversary looms so close on the horizon.]
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Liem's fingers on the inside of his thigh earn a hard shiver. He is terribly susceptible to the memory of that bite, of the prick of pain and the heat that blossomed in its wake, as blood rushed to his skin. He's caught in the memory of Liem's dark head bent to his thigh as he tasted Cardan's lifeblood. Never, in all of his years being a prince of Faerie, can he remember witnessing a sight more shockingly erotic. ]
I'm-- hah... surprised you haven't--
[ He hasn't let go of Liem, though the fingers in his hair are yet gentle, letting him map Cardan's skin with kisses as much as he wants. Cardan only needs him close, only wants to prevent him from pulling away, especially now that Liem is finally touching him properly. ]
You've had some opportunity. You tease.
[ Though he can only bring himself to sound so accusatory on the latter front, given the way he is increasingly breathless, his thoughts interrupted by his mounting pleasure. ]
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Despite his husband’s accusation, Liem has no intention of teasing now. He wants the pleasure gripping Cardan to swell until it overflows its banks; he wants it to push out every other thought or concern, so the only care his husband has is the want for more of him. Because Cardan is so irresistibly delectable like this, with his fingers in Liem’s hair, luxuriating in the tide of pleasure he demanded Liem down him in. It awakens some feral obsession in Liem, the awareness that it is his touch and his hunger swallowing Cardan up in sensation. Each time Cardan groans into the stroke of his hand or shivers at his caress, that madness only seems to grow.]
There is no shortage of indulgences I wish to inflict upon you, [he murmurs against Cardan’s ear between panting, hurried breaths. So often he enjoys the reverse, but he cannot help but want for himself the same pleasure his husband so regularly enjoys. Greedily, his wandering hand climbs from Cardan’s thigh to roll one taut nipple between his fingers.]
I am ever hungry for your appetite, Cardan. It does not make deliberation easy.
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Harder, [ he will gasp. He wants Liem to be a little ruthless. He wants to say, Tell me all about those indulgences. Tell me what you want to do to me. But he’s too close, and the unforgiving rhythm of Liem’s hand on him leaves him no room for idle musing. He can only let it take him, searing through him stroke by stroke, heartbeat by heartbeat, until he’s scoured of anything but need, anything but Liem’s scent and his touch and that maddening, dangerous, terribly gentle mouth. ]
You’re so— irresistible— fuck…
[ The fingers in Liem’s hair will tighten, just then, as he goes taut and senseless with pleasure — because Cardan needs him so awfully much, more than anyone or anything he’s ever needed before.
It really ought to terrify him. ]
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But he is still greedy for Cardan’s release, and he will push him up against it and over with determined hunger, feeling his own need beat wild and heady beneath his skin as the grip in his hair tightens and Cardan goes taut against him. He never tires of seeing his husband like this, abandoned with bliss and painfully lovely for it.
I will never be sane again, he thinks, wrapped tight around this man who makes his restraint evaporate and turns his thoughts blank with need. He cannot resist him, and he doubts there will ever come a day that he can.
He can only hold Cardan close and continue to press breathless, wandering kisses wherever his mouth can reach, and hope senselessly that this moment will last forever.]
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Liem's mouth on his skin is still distracting; his skin feels hot, oversensitized in the wake of orgasm. It gives him no room to rest, that mouth, and just barely enough to catch his breath -- and then, he'll have to move. It is a monumental effort, after all this, to flip himself over, but he does. He must slide his hand from Liem's hair to do so, dragging himself up and around, so that he can straddle his husband's lap with a covetous little sigh.
Because: Cardan wants to kiss him. He wants to feel those restless breaths against his lips, wants to catch Liem's face between his hands and trap him there while Cardan claims him as thoroughly and fervently as his heart desires. And so he will. And so he does. ]
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But he likes Cardan’s hot kisses also, so when his husband drags himself up, Liem will let him go. He is more starved for Cardan’s affection than he wants to admit, after the lonely trials of his dream. There have always been things in their marriage that have gone unsaid and unaddressed, and now especially, Liem covets the simple joy of drowning himself in Cardan as if nothing else in the world could possibly matter at all. As if nothing he witnessed or endured in that dream had any more substance than a passing thought.
He wants Cardan’s avid kisses, and he wants those elegant hands on his face, and he wants the weight of him in his lap, pressed close and insistent. Liem stretches up to meet him as Cardan dips to claim his kisses, and as his arms slide around him again, he can only feel relief that everything is once again just as it should be.]
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But eventually, his disappointing need to breathe pulls him away from Liem’s delectable mouth. He takes the opportunity to lean his forehead against his husband’s, stroking thoughtful fingertips over Liem’s ribs underwater. If this makes Liem ticklish — well, Cardan wishes to pet him, and given that he has solved many other problems this day, he does not feel like solving this one.
Besides: he finds himself particularly distractible in Liem’s close proximity. He’s still breathless when he rolls his hips against Liem’s, the movement slow and indulgent. Liem hasn’t come, and the hard erection trapped between their bodies sends a hot little pang of lust through Cardan all over again. His grin is unabashedly, sharply delighted. ]
Tell me, husband. How do you want me?
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At this moment, he wants for nothing, and he can very easily imagine giving Cardan just the same answer he received when he posed this same question only minutes ago.
But of course, he still wants to please his husband—and it has not escaped his notice that Cardan enjoys it when Liem voices his desires. Fulfilling them seems like a delightful game for his spouse, which Liem has no wish to rob him of.
And besides, he only wants what Cardan is always so pleased to provide.]
I want to be in your lap.
[Cardan’s weight straddling him is delightful, but Liem has had his fun getting his hands all over his spouse. Now he would like Cardan’s hands all over him, and this is not the ideal position for that desire. Illustratively, Liem’s own touch travels languidly up Cardan’s back and around to his chest, then sweeps smoothly back down his flanks to the lean muscles of his ass and thighs.]
I want your hands on me.
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But he did ask, after all. And he is not about to deny Liem now. ]
Oh? What happened to attending me, Liem?
[ It's a frivolous complaint; amusement curls around the edges of it. Still, he will lean in to steal just one more lingering, indulgent kiss-- and then commit to the effort of moving again, careless of the water splashing as he maneuvers himself to the other end of the tub. Once he's at the opposite edge -- far enough to have some room -- he will take a gulp of air and slide under the water entirely, surfacing some seconds later. Only then does he settle against the edge of the tub, pushing wet black hair out of his face.
And still, his gaze on Liem is intently focused, belying his casual little smirk. He extends his hand, fingers waggling impatiently for Liem to follow him. Because Cardan wants to put his hands and his mouth all over him, too, cannot wait to have Liem close and solid on top of him, where he belongs. ]
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He murmurs against his husband’s warm mouth,] That isn’t what you asked.
[No, his hunger to have Cardan’s sighs and gasps of pleasure have not receded. Even the memory of his lover coming undone in his arms makes his erection ache with impatience where it is, trapped between them.
And still, if he were to contemplate his own release… he would want it to be at Cardan’s hands. More importantly, he wants it to be at Cardan’s whim.
Heeding the beckoning of Cardan’s long fingers, Liem follows him towards the tub’s other edge and climbs obligingly into his lap, draping his arms over his shoulders. The intensity in his husband’s gaze does not escape him.]
Besides, [he says, cupping Cardan’s cheek with one hand,] you want me thus. Unless you dispute this?
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I always want you close. [ Always, always, with such desperate jealousy that it feels like it's going to burst out of him, sometimes. And though he means to say this in a fun, sexy way, it comes out as a serious statement. Grave. Cardan's eyebrows knit together; he pulls Liem closer still, winding his arms insistently around him. It hits a discordant little note in him, that feral hunger that he cannot explain. For a moment, he will only breathe Liem in, only hold him there in his arms, like doing so will protect him. Like it will keep him as Cardan's.
He thought he'd shaken it, the feeling of pressure, like someone sitting on his chest. He thought drink and sex would be enough. ]
When you went limp in my arms like that--
[ He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to bring it up. But his tongue seems to have become insubordinate: the words form against his will.
His mouth thins; he presses his head against Liem's shoulder, hiding his grimace at his own weakness. This isn't the time. Surely, surely this isn't the time-- ]
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He wants the reassuring solidity of Cardan’s body against his own, and the familiar pleasure of Cardan’s possessive touch exploring him. He wants these things so keenly that at first, when Cardan frowns and wraps his arms tighter about him, Liem is distracted by the feeling of the embrace and the fitting-together of their bodies, and he does not pause to consider his husband’s expression. Only when he has snuggled himself more firmly into Cardan’s arms, to the tease of the erection still trapped between them, does he take note of his husband’s gravity.
It surprises him—but he cannot immediately decide whether his scheme has succeeded or failed. True, Cardan’s carefree bliss seems to have faded, but Liem thinks the frankness of his admission may signify only that his husband is, for the first time since the morning, sufficiently at ease to let down his guard. When Cardan leans his head against his shoulder, Liem slides his touch around, into his damp hair, and brushes a tender kiss over the point of his ear.]
I never wished to demand such a thing of you. [And not because he feared that, like Iago, Cardan might hold such a thing over him later. It is only that he had hoped never to require such a risky and unhappy duty from his husband.] Still, I was much relieved to have the refuge of your arms to depend on.
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He breathes in, steadying himself, and tries to wrestle the words into something approaching coherence. It would be better for him to shut up, but since he's obviously lost the ability to-- ]
I did not understand it. Your fear, when I was poisoned. [ He murmurs it against Liem's shoulder, still. What a brazen, odious fool he had been then, assuming this was something his husband could have simply shrugged off. ] I thought it was only that you'd never felt so at risk before, and I had.
[ He should be well used to misjudging Liem, by now, and still the embarrassment heats his face, seeps pink into the tips of his ears. ]
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Well, perhaps you were right.
[Though the idea seemed absurd, Liem is forced to acknowledge that he had rarely if ever felt as frightened as he did then. After all, before his marriage to Cardan, he had not possessed much in his life that he feared to lose. That kind of risk is one he had previously enjoyed plenty of opportunity to contemplate, but never before had the possibility of loss seemed so immediately likely or the consequences so inescapably dire.
Even now, he does not care to contemplate it further. He much prefers to brush soft, meandering kisses along the skin of Cardan’s shoulder, taking comfort in the familiarity of the act.]
I was terribly frightened. And truthfully, the fear still has not gone away.
[He doubts it ever will—and when Cardan places himself at risk to face danger that should have been Liem’s, he feels that fear twist in his gut. But although he hates to give his husband cause to think him childish or incapable, he equally fears to shame Cardan for even such an oblique admission as this.]
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It's Liem next admission that shocks him out of his self-pity. It's been months. He himself had largely stowed the stress and the misery of that night, along with most of the embarrassing missteps he'd made in its aftermath. It had never occurred to him, somehow, that all of it would still haunt Liem now.
He raises his head, still frowning, so that he can catch Liem's face in his wet hands, assessing him. His husband never looks particularly well-rested, but the dark circles under his eyes suddenly take on a new, disconcerting meaning.
First the dream doctor's accusations, and now this. Evidently, Cardan is responsible for far more trouble than he'd realized. ]
...still? [ Cardan asks, even though Liem has just told him. His thumb strokes along Liem's cheek, absentmindedly gentle. In the water, his tail is agitated. ] After all this time?
[ Liem had seemed fine after that night. Then again, Cardan is realizing that he may not be as adept at reading his moods as he'd assumed himself to be. ]
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Nonetheless, he lifts his head at the insistent touch of Cardan’s hands, meeting his frown with a look that is gentle, but equally assessing.]
Why would it die? [he asks reasonably. Cardan still remains at his side, and the person actively seeking his demise remains at large. Liem’s fear has no cause to vanish just because his husband has physically recovered. And, most saliently, Liem’s ardent wish to keep Cardan in his life has not diminished at all since then.
Softly, he leans his cheek into his husband’s caress.]
We coexist. And to me, the reward is more than worth it.
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He sighs, and presses his brow to his husband's, closing his eyes. Hypocritically, he doesn't feel up to being surveyed -- to meeting Liem's bright, calm gaze. Not when he himself is in such disarray. ]
I did not wish to burden you so, [ he murmurs, ] but I suppose what I wish for rarely shapes our circumstance.
[ Except for right now, when he wishes to kiss Liem. He dares to open his eyes a little after this, at least, watching him half-lidded when he pulls away. Perhaps it will make him feel less naked before Liem's assessing regard. ]
...and, I confess, I was hoping that mine might go away within the span of the next liquor bottle.
[ He has at least composed himself enough to make it sound like a common annoyance -- instead of a thing that looms, dark and terrible, ready to pounce when he's at his most vulnerable. ]
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So he welcomes the warm caress of Cardan’s kiss, and even when the kiss is over, the lure of that mouth remains at the front of Liem’s thoughts, far more beguiling than the prospect of more unhappy confessions and melancholy wishes. He has never felt confident in his ability to please his husband with his words, in any case; it is his touch that seems to delight Cardan most.]
Your mind is too busy, husband. I know this affliction well.
[And he leans close again to claim another indulgent kiss, going a little breathless as he grinds against his husband’s lap. After a long and deliberate moment, his lips whisper over the corner of Cardan’s mouth, wandering toward his jaw.]
You seemed well distracted earlier. Was I mistaken?
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Cardan's hands wander, sliding down Liem's back, his slim hips, his thighs -- reveling in the feel of slick skin and lean muscle, but most of all in the fact he's here, still here, still Cardan's to claim. ]
No, [ he will murmur, to Liem's question. ] My mind was quite occupied with you, then.
[ For once, he doesn't want Liem to wander off towards his neck; Cardan turns his head to pursue him, intending to catch him in another kiss. He's hungrier about it, this time, teeth catching on Liem's bottom lip before he pulls away to breathe. ]
Is that what you intended? To distract me?
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I thought I was clear.
[Since Cardan is loath to let him wander too far from his mouth, Liem simply allows him his moment of respite, brushing his nose against his husband’s as he breathes his answer.]
I wish to bring you pleasure. I want it to be the only thing left in your head.
[It has been his unwavering intent since before they got into the bath. That Cardan’s worries evidently returned after the tide of his ecstasy withdrew from him does not shake Liem’s determination in this matter, and he presses close to claim another kiss from his husband, his hands sliding up again to frame Cardan’s face as he continues to move his hips languidly against him.
It is not enough, just now, for Cardan’s thoughts to be empty of everything but Liem. Cardan was the one to delve into the labyrinth of Liem’s restless subconscious and retrieve him from a nightmare of his own making; the least he deserves now is for Liem to grant him the same peace. There will be time later for his husband to fret about danger they cannot avoid or foretell; for now, the only things Liem wishes for him to care about are his own desires and Liem’s ardent efforts to fulfill them.]
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[ To use his own body as a distraction. He doesn't expect to find it as titillating as he does. But it's working, clearly, because he's already impatient, already shivering helplessly into the movement of Liem's hips against his own. It matters not that the movement is languid: it only adds to the tease of it. Besides, Cardan's hands are right there: it takes no effort at all to slide them around to Liem's ass, encouraging him to move more firmly against Cardan. Lust shivers down his spine, happy to displace his other thoughts -- even if it is tinged with an edge of desperation, still. He cannot help wanting Liem more for having come close to losing him; it makes him want to hold back nothing at all, lest he miss his opportunity. And so-- ]
But Liem, [ he breathes, foolishly, turning his face to smear a breathless kiss against Liem's palm, ] my pleasure was ever having you.
[ All of it is meaningless without him. For all that it might dismay his husband, Cardan doesn't know how to divorce the fear of losing him from the joy of having him in his arms. Drink, lust, and distance have all dulled the terror, but he doesn't think it will truly leave him, even now.
But then, it doesn't have to. He can't resist Liem, regardless -- can't resist the desire that rises in his body, hot and insistent, making him gasp with the relentless pleasure of having Liem in his lap. So what if it is a touch bittersweet? All the best pleasures are. ]
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But it matters little. Whether as lustful spouse or besotted fool, Liem is still determined to claim every thought in Cardan’s head, and he willingly obliges the urging of those greedy hands. Even if the friction pulls a breathless little groan from him, desperately impatient as he already feels, the ache of his ignored desire is a small thing beside his yearning to feel Cardan relax blissfully against him again.]
You may have me at your leisure.
[Liem pulls back slightly, just enough to properly meet his lover’s gaze as he runs one splayed hand lazily over his own chest, teasing a nipple between two pale fingers.]
Am I not yours to have however you like?
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